I want love that is

i want a love how it is... sleep deprivation pain deep in my chest that is only filled when her voice rings through my ear, touches my hand, or slows down to catch a red light so we can have one more second in each others eyes, and lips. i had had that, once.

isn't love also that comfortable silence sitting in the car while driving through the night though? no touch is needed, no whisper spoken. it's wanted, but not needed. it's an ideal to me at least. i long for love in the sense that i want to know for certain that i want no one else ever again in my life. to be able to say without needing another's assurance that i love one person more than i love myself.

i want it all and nothing less. will i ever attain that goal? i can honestly say that i don't know. i don't know for certain if it even exists. but what good is it to not dream? i'd rather dream of a false ideal than live without a dream at all.

untitled

So call it fate. Or call it divine appointment. Call it whatever you would like.
But whatever you call it, somehow life’s circumstances have led you to someone.
And they will continue to lead you to many different someone's.
Some will make you weak in your knees, child-like if you will, others you will allow to pass by going unnoticed.
But when someone does catch the attention of your heart and mind, choice steps in.
Will I have the nerve to pursue this woman?
Or will I allow intimidation and fear of rejection stand in my way?
And how will she respond?
Will she run from me in fear of falling in love and having her heart broken once more?
Are both parties ready to be committed to someone else?
Have I fallen for whom she really is or has her outward beauty seduced me?
Has she fallen for me simply because I am showing her the attention she desires?
Or has she fallen in love, not with my accomplishments, but with the man that I am?
Is a relationship even an option or does age difference or life calling and experience stand in the way?
And can barriers, such a geographical distance, be overcome?
Is the person worth the sacrifice?
Is the person worth the effort?
Is the person worth taking your own life and intertwining it with theirs?

Hopefully some day I will all have the opportunity to say yes to these final three questions, but until then . . .